From the doctors' notes ...

The following are from actual, unedited notes written by Doctors on patients’ medical charts:

1. The patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

2. On the second day the knee was better and on the third day it disappeared completely.

3. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states that she was very hot in bed last night.

4. The patient has been depressed since she first saw me in 1993.

5. Discharge status: Alive, but without permission.

6. Healthy appearing, decrepit 69 yr old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

7. The patient refused an autopsy.

8. The patient has no past history of suicides.

9. The patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital.

10. The patients' past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a forty pound weight gain in the past three days.

11. The patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. The patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

15. The patient was alert and unresponsive.

16. Rectal examination revealed a normal sized thyroid.

17. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce.

18. Examination of the genitalia revealed that he is circus-sized.

19. The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor.

20. The patient was seen in consultation by Dr.....who felt we should sit on the abdomen, and I agree.


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