Dearest Cookey,

I know I have been out of touch with you all for quite some time and though have posted a few things here and there, it was nearly always in a state of hurry. As things settle down, with the climate changing -I decided to write to each one of my special friends turn by turn and check it out - you stand at number one on the list. I decided to dedicate each one with a joke that most probably you may not have read earlier - so here goes yours -something that cannot be listed as anti men or anti women but just a couple of lines and one reasonably adult joke.
With lots and lotrs of love, xxx and hugs,
Ananth
Hope you enjoy them and have a good laugh.
Here we go....

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another,
"Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"
"Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds:
"Husband Wanted".
Next day she received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
"You can have mine."

When a woman steals your husband,
there is no better revenge than to let her keep him.

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished
.
A little boy asked his father,
"Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

A young son asked,
"Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa
a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?"
Dad replied, "That happens in every country, son."

Then there was a woman who said,
"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

If you want your spouse to listen and
pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep.

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life
thinking
they had no faults at all.

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy remarks, "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

" A Woman's Prayer:
Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to
forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for
Strength I'll just beat him to death "

AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!!

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A
blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they
find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the
bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the
Husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps
it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at
the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."

The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR
stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the f**k up."
Original Post
Dear Alan,
I had thought I would first finish with all the women and then come to the rest of the masculine clan. However, I read this and decided - it was Alan.
With lots of love and hugs,
Ananth

Look back and thank God.
Look forward and trust God.
Look around and serve God.
Look within and find God!"

"I asked God, 'How do I get the best out of life?'

God said, 'Face your past without regrets. Handle your present with confidence. And prepare for the future without fear!'"

"Without God, our week is: Mournday, Tearsday, Wasteday, Thirstday, Fightday, Shatterday and Sinday. So, allow Him to be with you every day!"

"Life is short, so forgive quickly. Believe slowly. Love truly. Laugh uncontrollably. Never regret anything that makes you happy. And have a wonderful journey!!!"
Dear Michelle,
Wow - the new snap looks great and you look awesome - I could just go on chanting that all day long. You have been a great shoulder I could lean upon and keeping things in view I decided to check up on your general knowledge. Lots of love, xxx and hugs,
Ananth _____________________________________



"Stewardesses" is the longest word typed with only the left hand and "lollipop" with your right.

No word in the English language rhymes with month, orange, silver, or purple.

"Dreamt" is the only English word that ends in the letters "mt".

ur eyes are always the same size from birth, but our nose and ears never stop growing.

The sentence: "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog" uses every letter of the alphabet.

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak' and 'level' are the same whether they are read left to right or right to left (palindromes).

There are only four words in the English language which end in "dous": tremendous, horrendous, stupendous, and hazardous. (You're not doubting this, are you?)

There are two words in the English language that have all five vowels in order: "abstemious" and "facetious." (Yes, admit it, you are going to say . a e i o u)

TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard. (All you typists are going to test this out)

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds. (Some days that's about what my memory span is)

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second.

A shark is the only fish that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years. (I know some people that could do this too.)

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

Babies are born without kneecaps They don't appear until the child reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast, the line would never end because of the rate of reproduction.


Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of dynamite!

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave was invented after a researcher walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar melted in his pocket. (Good thing he did that)

The winter of 1932 was so cold that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Winston Churchill was born in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men.

Now you know everything
All my friends who still to be mailed to,
I need a breather so please bear with me. All this is just a way of telling each one how much I love you people. I will be back on the site very soon to restart on the session to each one of you.
Lots of love to all, xxxx for the beautiful ladies and bear hugs for everyone,
Ananth
Dear Alan, I amnot planning a trip anywhere from now on and remember my name - Ananth ( Anath!!!??) - the immortal? I just though this would be a novel way to say how much I care for each one of you'll and do not plan to miss out even one among all those who are here currently.
With lots of love,
Ananth
Dear Paul,
You are a very special friend and want to thank you for having so much of confidence in me ( I normally charge a lot of money as a consultant!!!!Smiler). I got this one for you as I think it is very apt for you. Read it - then love it or hate it.
Tons of love and hugs,
Ananth

"DON'T LET SOMEONE BECOME A PRIORITY IN YOUR LIFE...
WHEN YOU ARE JUST AN OPTION FOR THEM....."



"NEVER CRY FOR ANY RELATIONSHIP IN LIFE
BECAUSE FOR THE ONE WHOM YOU CRY
DOES NOT DESERVE YOUR TEARS
AND THE ONE WHO DESERVES
WILL NEVER LET YOU CRY......... ........ "



TREAT EVERYONE WITH POLITENESS
EVEN THOSE WHO ARE RUDE TO YOU,
NOT BECAUSE THEY ARE NOT NICE
BUT BECAUSE YOU ARE NICE........ ......... ......



NEVER SEARCH YOUR HAPPINESS IN OTHERS
WHICH WILL MAKE YOU FEEL ALONE,
RATHER SEARCH IT IN YOURSELF
YOU WILL FEEL HAPPY
EVEN IF YOU ARE LEFT ALONE....... ......... ......




HAPPINESS ALWAYS LOOKS SMALL
WHEN WE HOLD IT IN OUR HANDS.
BUT WHEN WE LEARN TO SHARE IT,
WE REALIZE HOW BIG AND PRECIOUS IT IS! ............
Dear Trev and Deb,
I read this and right away thought of you....
Lots and lots love, hugs and kisses for Deb,
Ananth

Walking Through Life
__________________


This is a wonderful piece by Michael Gartner, editor of newspapers
large and small and president of NBC News. In 1997, he won the
Pulitzer Prize for editorial writing. Well worth reading. And a few
good laughs are guaranteed.

My father never drove a car.

Well, that's not quite right.

I should say I never saw him drive a car. He quit driving in 1927,
when he was 25 years old, and the last car he drove was a 1926
Whippet.

"In those days," he told me when he was in his 90s, "to drive a car
you had to do things with your hands, and do things with your feet,
and look every which way, and I decided you could walk through life
and enjoy it or drive through life and miss it."

At which point my mother, a sometimes salty Irishwoman, chimed in:
"Oh, bull----!" she said. "He hit a horse."

"Well," my father said, "there was that, too."

So my brother and I grew up in a household without a car. The
neighbors all had cars -- the Kollingses next door had a green 1941
Dodge, the VanLaninghams across the street a gray 1936 Plymouth, the
Hopsons two doors down a black 1941 Ford -- but we had none. My
father, a newspaperman in Des Moines, would take the streetcar to work
and, often as not, walk the 3 miles home. If he took the streetcar
home, my mother and brother and I would walk the three blocks to the
streetcar stop, meet him and walk home together.

My brother, David, was born in 1935, and I was born in 1938, and
sometimes, at dinner, we'd ask how come all the neighbors had cars but
we had none. "No one in the family drives," my mother would explain,
and that was that. But, sometimes, my father would say, "But as soon
as one of you boys turns 16, we'll get one." It was as if he wasn't
sure which one of us would turn 16 first.

But, sure enough, my brother turned 16 before I did, so in 1951 my
parents bought a used 1950 Chevrolet from a friend who ran the parts
department at a Chevy dealership downtown. It was a four-door, white
model, stick shift, fender skirts, loaded with everything, and, since
my parents didn't drive, it more or less became my brother's car.

Having a car but not being able to drive didn't bother my father, but
it didn't make sense to my mother. So in 1952, when she was 43 years
old, she asked a friend to teach her to drive. She learned in a nearby
cemetery, the place where I learned to drive the following year and
where, a generation later, I took my two sons to practice driving. The
cemetery probably was my father's idea. "Who can your mother hurt in
the cemetery?" I remember him saying once.

For the next 45 years or so, until she was 90, my mother was the
driver in the family. Neither she nor my father had any sense of
direction, but he loaded up on maps -- though they seldom left the
city limits -- and appointed himself navigator. It seemed to work.

Still, they both continued to walk a lot. My mother was a devout
Catholic, and my father an equally devout agnostic, an arrangement
that didn't seem to bother either of them through their 75 years of
marriage. (Yes, 75 years, and they were deeply in love the entire
time.) He retired when he was 70, and nearly every morning for the
next 20 years or so, he would walk with her the mile to St. Augustin's
Church. She would walk down and sit in the front pew, and he would
wait in the back until he saw which of the parish's two priests was on
duty that morning. If it was the pastor, my father then would go out
and take a 2-mile walk, meeting my mother at the end of the service
and walking her home. If it was the assistant pastor, he'd take just a
1-mile walk and then head back to the church. He called the priests
"Father Fast" and "Father Slow."

After he retired, my father almost always accompanied my mother
whenever she drove anywhere, even if he had no reason to go along. If
she were going to the beauty parlor, he'd sit in the car and read, or
go take a stroll or, if it was summer, have her keep the engine
RUNNING so he could listen to the Cubs game on the radio. In the
evening, then, when I'd stop by, he'd explain: "The Cubs lost again.
The millionaire on second base made a bad throw to the millionaire on
first base, so the multimillionaire on third base scored." If she were
going to the grocery store, he would go along to carry the bags out --
and to make sure she loaded up on ice cream.

As I said, he was always the navigator, and once, when he was 95 and
she was 88 and still driving, he said to me, "Do you want to know the
secret of a long life?" "I guess so," I said, knowing it probably
would be something bizarre.

"No left turns," he said.

"What?" I asked.

"No left turns," he repeated. "Several years ago, your mother and I
read an article that said most accidents that old people are in happen
when they turn left in front of oncoming traffic. As you get older,
your eyesight worsens, and you can lose your depth perception, it
said. So your mother and I decided never again to make a left turn."

"What?" I said again. "No left turns," he said. "Think about it. Three
rights are the same as a left, and that's a lot safer. So we always
make three rights."

"You're kidding!" I said, and I turned to my mother for support. "No,"
she said, "your father is right. We make three rights. It works." But
then she added: "Except when your father loses count." I was driving
at the time, and I almost drove off the road as I started laughing.
"Loses count?" I asked. "Yes," my father admitted, "that sometimes
happens. But it's not a problem. You just make seven rights and you're
okay again."

I couldn't resist. "Do you ever go for 11?" I asked.

"No," he said. "If we miss it at seven, we just come home and call it
a bad day. Besides, nothing in life is so important it can't be put
off to another day or another week."

My mother was never in an accident, but one evening she handed me her
car keys and said she had decided to quit driving. That was in 1999,
when she was 90. She lived four more years, until 2003. My father died
the next year, at 102. They both died in the bungalow they had moved
into in 1937 and bought a few years later for $3,000. (Sixty years
later, my brother and I paid $8,000 to have a shower put in the tiny
bathroom -- the house had never had one. My father would have died
then and there if he knew the shower cost nearly three times what he
paid for the house.) He continued to walk daily -- he had me get him a
treadmill when he was 101 because he was afraid he'd fall on the icy
sidewalks but wanted to keep exercising -- and he was of sound mind
and sound body until the moment he died.

One September afternoon in 2004, he and my son went with me when I had
to give a talk in a neighboring town, and it was clear to all three of
us that he was wearing out, though we had the usual wide- ranging
conversation about politics and newspapers and things in the news. A
few weeks earlier, he had told my son, "You know, Mike, the first
hundred years are a lot easier than the second hundred." At one point
in our drive that Saturday, he said, "You know, I'm probably not going
to live much longer."

"You're probably right," I said.

"Why would you say that?" He countered, somewhat irritated. "Because
you're 102 years old," I said. "Yes," he said, "you're right." He
stayed in bed all the next day.

That night, I suggested to my son and daughter that we sit up with him
through the night. He appreciated it, he said, though at one point,
apparently seeing us look gloomy, he said: "I would like to make an
announcement. No one in this room is dead yet."

An hour or so later, he spoke his last words: "I want you to know," he
said, clearly and lucidly, that I am in no pain. I am very
comfortable. And I have had as happy a life as anyone on this earth
could ever have." A short time later, he died.

I miss him a lot, and I think about him a lot. I've wondered now and
then how it was that my family and I were so lucky that he lived so
long. I can't figure out if it was because he walked through life.

.... Or because he quit taking left turns.
Dear Hagg,
10 and still at it - dont you ever age. I am supposed to be Peter Pan!!. This one is for you -a mix of India and other countries:
Lots of love and hugs,
H o w t o C a t c h a L I O N

Newton 's Method: (No explainations required)
Let, the lion catch you.
For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Implies you caught lion.


Einstein Method: (again a simple one)

Run in the direction opposite to that of the lion.
Due to higher relative velocity, the lion will also run faster and will get tired soon.
Now you can trap it easily.


Software Engineer Method: (no problems her either)

Catch a cat and claim that your testing has proven that its a Lion.
If anyone comes back with issues tell that you will upgrade it to Lion.


Indian Police MethodFrownerHmm - here we start)

Catch any animal and interrogate it & torture it to accept that its a lion .


Rajnikanth Method : (He is a superstar in South Indian movies - is 70 but plays roles of a teenager!! - Believe it or not!!)
Keep warning the lion that u may come and attack anytime.
The lion will live in fear and die soon in fear itself.


Jayalalitha Method: ( The chief minister of the state where Rajnikanth plays the hero. She went directly from being a heroine in south Indian films to become the Chief minister- you can imagine the rest)-
Send Police commissioner Muthukaruppan around 2AM and kill it, while it's sleeping !


Manirathnam Method (director): (makes patriotic movies in both Hindi and the local language where reside our super star and chief minster)

Make sure the lion does not get sun light and put the lion in a dark
room with a single candle lighted.
Keep murmuring something in its ears.
The lion will be highly irritated and commit suicide.


Karan Johar Method (director)Frowner makes hindi mushy movies - really good and makes everyone sob through all his movies)

Send a lioness into the forest.
Our lion and lioness fall in love with each other.
Send another lioness in to the forest, followed by another lion.
First lion loves the first lioness and the second lion loves the 2nd lioness.
But 2nd lioness loves both lions.
Now send another lioness (third) into the forest.
You don't understand right... ok....read it after 15 yrs, then also u wont!


Yash Chopra method (director): ( another one who always makes "hit" movies)

Take the lion to Australia or US.. and kill it in a good scenic location.


Govinda methodFrowner Our superstar from Bollywood - not so super as out Rajnikanth but a joker no less)

Continuously dance before the lion for 5 or 6 days.


Menaka Gandhi method:Late Sanjay Gandhi, son of Indira Gandhi and brother od Rajeev Gandhi's wife - who now has nothing to do with the Gandhis and is all for not hurting animals)

Save the lion from a danger and feed him with some vegetables continuously.


George bush methodFrowner Do I need say anything?)

Link the lion with Osama bin laden and shoot him!!!


Gavasker's methodFrowner supposedly the best cricketer of his times - I can vouch for that)

Ask the lion to bowl at u.
U bat for 200 balls and score 1 run
Lion tired and surrenders
Dear Sara,
This one is for you. I somehow do not believe in God but then everyone has their own opinions - right?
Loads of love, xxx and hugs,
Ananth

WHAT HAPPENS IN HEAVEN______________________________________ This is one of the nicest messages I have seen and read and is so true: I dreamt that I went to Heaven and an angel was showing me around. We walked side-by-side inside a large workroom filled with angels. My angel guide stopped in front of the first section and said, "This Is the Receiving Section. Here, all petitions to God said in prayer are Received." I looked around in this area, and it was terribly busy with so many angels sorting out petitions written on voluminous paper sheets and scraps from people all over the world. Then we moved on down a long corridor until we reached the second section. The angel then said to me, "This is the Packaging and Delivery Section. Here, the graces and blessings the people asked for are processed and delivered to the living persons who asked for them." I noticed again, how busy it was. There were many angels working hard at that station, since so many blessings had been requested and were being packaged for delivery to Earth Finally at the farthest end of the long corridor we stopped at the door of a very small station. To my great surprise, only one angel was seated there, idly doing nothing. "This is the Acknowledgment Section", my angel friend quietly admitted to me. He seemed embarrassed. "How is it that there is no work going on here?" I asked. "So sad," the angel sighed."After people receive the blessings that they asked for, very few send back acknowledgments." "How does one acknowledge God's blessings?" I asked. "Simple," the angel answered. Just say, "Thank you, Lord.”

"What blessings should they acknowledge?" I asked. "If you have food in the refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof overhead and a place to sleep you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy. And if you get this on your own computer, you are part of the 1% in the world who has that opportunity." “Also, if you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the many who will not even survive this day. If you have never experienced the fear in battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture, or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 700 million people in the world. If you can attend a church/temple/mosque without the fear of harassment, arrest, torture or death you are envied by, and more blessed than, three billion people in the world." "If your parents are still alive and still married, you are very rare. If you can hold your head up and smile, you are not the norm, you're unique to all those in doubt and despair." Ok, what now? How can I start? "If you can read this message, you just received a double blessing in that someone was thinking of you as very special and you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world who cannot read at all. Have a good year ahead, count your blessings, and if you want, and keep reminding yourself how blessed you are. ATTN:
Finally a note from me to all::: Acknowledge Dept.: "Thank you Lord, for giving me the ability to share this message and for giving me so many wonderful people to share it with."
Dear Pete,
I thought you would enjoy this one. All my have fun reading it. I went through the roof laughing.
Lots of love and hugs,
Ananth___________________________________
Usually everyone who has a dog would call the dog Rover or something.

I called mine "Sex".

Sex is a very embarrassing name, but I never knew HOW embarrassing until one day I took Sex for a walk and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for him. A police officer came along and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning. I said, "I was looking for Sex."

My court case comes up next Thursday.

One day I went to City Hall to get a license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted, I told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said "I would like to have one too !" When I said "But this is a dog," he said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, "You don't understand. I've had Sex since I was two years old."

He replied, "You must have been a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding. I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole lifestyle revolves around Sex."

He said he did not want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in a church. I told him everyone coming to the wedding would enjoy having Sex there. The next day we were married by the Justice of the Peace. My family is barred from the church.

My wife and I took the dog along with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the motel I told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and myself and a special room for Sex. The clerk said that every room in the Motel is for Sex. Then I said, "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night", and the clerk said,"Me too."

One day I told my friend that I had Sex on TV. He said, "Show off!" I told him it was a contest, and he told me I should have sold tickets.

When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married" and the Judge said, "Me too."

When I told him that after I was married Sex had left me, he said, "Me too."

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever gambled for. Why just the other day when I went for my first visit with the psychiatrist and she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"

I replied, "Well, Sex has died and left my life. It's like losing a best friend and it's so lonely."

The doctor said, "Look Mister, you and I both know that sex isn't man's best friend. Why not get yourself a dog?"
Dear Tracy,
one dedicated to you.
Lots of love,xxx and hugs,
Ananth


Subject: How to name children!

Lawyer's daughter: Sue

Thief's son: Rob

Lawyer's son: Will

Doctor's son: Bill

Hair stylist's son: Bob

Homeopathic doctor's son: Herb

Justice of the peace's daughter: Mary

Sound stage technician's son: Mike

Gambler's daughter: Bette

Iron worker's son: Rusty

TV star's daughter: Emmy

Movie star's son: Oscar

Dear everyone,,
All these sayings, titbits and jokes are from my collection and did not have the heart to delete them - I guessed the best way to keep them was with everyone here (in safe hands)
Lots of love,
Ananth
Dear Ananth

I am not a believer in God either, but I do believe in people, and I believe that what some choose to call a soul may perhaps be called a conscience.

That was a beautiful message - I shall save it and share it when appropriate - thank you.

The rose smells sweet and I know it will never wilt.

Love (and of course hugs)
Sara

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