Dear all,
This is a take on how one will have to change their English to suit all the other countries in the Union.

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the EU rather than German which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of the "k". This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like "fotograf" 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be ekspekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of the silent "e"s in the language is disgraseful, and they should go away.

By the fourth year, peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v". During ze fifz year, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and similar changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer. Ze drem vil finali kum tru! And zen world!
Original Post
Hi! Guys & Gals,
Here is a couple of bits of Humour to keep you smiling

A Welsh farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking out of a pond.
The Welsh farmer shouted: "Paid a yfed a dwr, maer gwerthin wedi cachu un a for," which means: " Don't drink the water the cows have sh#t in it."

The man shouts back: "I'm a English, I don't understand. Please speak in English."

The Welsh farmer says: "Use two hands, it holds more"!


While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and
does not use a condom all the time.A week after arriving
back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find
his penis covered with bright green and purple spots.

Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The
doctor, never having seen anything like this before,
orders some tests and tells the man to return in two
days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor
says: "I've got bad news for you ---you've contracted
Mongolian VD. It's very rare and almost unheard of here.
We know very little about it."

The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give
me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc."

The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure.
We're going to have to amputate your penis."

The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a
second opinion."

The doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead
if you want but surgery is your only choice."

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor,
figuring that he'll know more about the disease. The
Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims:
"Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vely rare disease."

The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already
know that, but what can we do? My American doctor
wants to operate and amputate my penis!"

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs:
"Stupid Amelican docta, always want to opelate.
Make more money that way. No need to opelate!"

Oh, thank God!" the man replies.

"Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry!
Wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!"

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