Christmas Balls !Christmas Balls !
There was a lady who was in bed with her lover one day, when she hears a noise and realizes that her husband is home early from work. She has no idea what to do with her lover so she sticks him in the closet and successfully covers up every part of his body except his testicles. Thinking quick, she paints his balls red with some spray paint.
Her husband comes up to the bedroom and opens the closet doors toget out some clothes and notices the red balls hanging there. "What are these?" he asks.
"Oh, those are just some Christmas Bells I picked up on sale this afternoon," she answers.
He toys with them for a second and realizes that they are not making noise, so he pulls them apart and clangs them together, but all he hears is "uuuggghhh".
He says, "Honey, these things aren't working right, let me try again."
So he pulls them farther apart and bangs them together. Still the only noise made is "UUUGGGHHH".
He is beginning to get a little annoyed and he says, "I am gonna try once more and if these things do not chime, I am gonna throw them in the fireplace and burn them."
So he stretches them as far apart as he can and slams them together.
At that moment, the guy sticks his head out of the closet and screams, "DING DONG, DING DONG, DING DONG!!!!
For the love of a wife?
"I am worried that I am losing my wife s love," the husband told the Counsellor. "Has she started to neglect you?" "Not at all," the dejected man replied.
"She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, she s a great cook, the house is always neat, she keeps the kids out of my hair.
She lets me choose the television shows we watch and she never objects to kinky sex or says she has a headache."
"So what is the problem?" "Maybe I am just being too sensitive," the husband ventured, but at night, when she thinks I am sleeping, she puts her lips close to my ear and whispers, Die! Die, you son of a bitch!