Christmas Balls !Christmas Balls !

There was a lady who was in bed with her lover one day, when she hears a noise and realizes that her husband is home early from work. She has no idea what to do with her lover so she sticks him in the closet and successfully covers up every part of his body except his testicles. Thinking quick, she paints his balls red with some spray paint.

Her husband comes up to the bedroom and opens the closet doors toget out some clothes and notices the red balls hanging there. "What are these?" he asks.

"Oh, those are just some Christmas Bells I picked up on sale this afternoon," she answers.

He toys with them for a second and realizes that they are not making noise, so he pulls them apart and clangs them together, but all he hears is "uuuggghhh".

He says, "Honey, these things aren't working right, let me try again."

So he pulls them farther apart and bangs them together. Still the only noise made is "UUUGGGHHH".

He is beginning to get a little annoyed and he says, "I am gonna try once more and if these things do not chime, I am gonna throw them in the fireplace and burn them."

So he stretches them as far apart as he can and slams them together.

At that moment, the guy sticks his head out of the closet and screams, "DING DONG, DING DONG, DING DONG!!!!

For the love of a wife?
"I am worried that I am losing my wife s love," the husband told the Counsellor. "Has she started to neglect you?" "Not at all," the dejected man replied.
"She meets me at the door with a cold drink and a warm kiss. My shirts are always ironed, she s a great cook, the house is always neat, she keeps the kids out of my hair.
She lets me choose the television shows we watch and she never objects to kinky sex or says she has a headache."
"So what is the problem?" "Maybe I am just being too sensitive," the husband ventured, but at night, when she thinks I am sleeping, she puts her lips close to my ear and whispers, Die! Die, you son of a bitch!
Original Post
Good one Ananth

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from Melbourne when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to Melbourne ?"

Sure am," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to Melbourne Zoo. They're a bit stressed already so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of Melbourne when suddenly he saw something and he was horrified !

There was the blonde walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde.

What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you $100 to take these chimps to the zoo.

"Yes, I know. And I did," said the blonde," but we had money left over---so now we're going to the Aquarium."

one more

Was really depressed last night so I rang Lifeline. Got a call centre in Afghanistan.

Told them I was suicidal, they got all bloody excited and asked if I could fly a plane.

Catch you again
Hi! All
I think it is time for a bit more humour from down under.

Only an Aussie could pull this one off!

Recently, a routine police patrol parked outside a local neighborhood tavern.
Late in the evening the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so intoxicated that he could barely walk.
The man stumbled around the car park for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing. After what seemed an eternity and trying his keys on five vehicles, the man managed to find his car, which he fell into.
He was there for a few minutes, as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.
Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off (it was a fine dry night), flicked the indicators on, then off, tooted the horn and then switched on the lights.
He moved the vehicle forward a few centimeters, reversed a little and then remained stationary for a few more minutes as some more vehicles left.
At last, he pulled out of the car park and started to drive slowly down the road.
The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up the patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and carried out a breathalyzer test.
To his amazement the breathalyzer indicated no evidence of the man having consumed alcohol at all.
Dumbfounded, the officer said; "I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the Police station this breathalyzer equipment must be broken."

"I doubt it," said the man, "tonight I'm the designated decoy".

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