depression

I can't give you any tips on depression cuz i picked up as soon as i returned to work. Until then i couldn't sleep and i was so miserable. My confidence was shattered & to be honest i just wanted to go to sleep and not wake up! But when i started back at work everything turned around for me!

Don't feel as though you've let yourself down Dave! It's not surprising when you've ben down thois road before and just when you think you're out of the woods it's back! If this ever happened to me again i'd be beside myself! & you're getting through it!
& don't be sorry! You're more than entitled to say how you feel & that's one of the best things you can do rather than bottle it up!
I'm certain that in a few weeks, when you start to improve a little more things will become easier! Until then make the most of what your doctor has perscribed. Looking back i REALLY wish i'd had the guts to admit i wasn't coping well! I wa too busy putting on a face.

All the best to you both,
Michelle

Hi David, I have a realy bad case of dry mouth so my Dentist says mainly stll have my teeth which are all rotting and hopefully eventually they will fall out, He took one tooth out and 6 months later it was not healed so cannot risk taking anymore out.
Depression, well we all go through it, with me seems to come and go why it happens could be numerous reason but as I was told the only way to try and cope is take one day at a time, This does help me to try and keep things in the day but sometimes my mind wonders and I feel low.

The worst thing for me was losing two dear friends who lived close by and now the days feel longer and longer the more time I am on my own.I know when im depressed very hard to go out and face the world.
Sorry cannot be much help but try to keep it in the day.

best wishes

Paul

Hi Michelle and Paul

Michelle thank again for the support at least at this stage i can see that i have some depression so lets see what i can do to eliviate it a little

Its great your back at work and enjoying it

Dave

Paul
As i said previously when you think your badly off theres others who are at least the same or maybe a little worse


you certainly have not been dealt a good hand over the last couple of years

my mind wanders to as you say up and down emotions all over the place

have read your blog

Las Vegas i love it have been 3 times my sister in law lives in San Diego so its only a short flight from there

Was due to fly out in June but had to cancel ,what a fight with the insurance company but my wife got the money back

Dont know if i will ever make it back out there at present but you never know

Always here to chat

Dave
Dave and Susan

HI Dave & Sue,

Like Michelle I have been fortunate, I have been low recently but for completely unrelated issues of relationships rather than illness.

My wife on the other had has had several severe bouts of really black depression over time and it is no joke because unlike our ailments mental duress shows no patent symptoms and folks who suffer from the debilitating effects of depression are open to all sorts of prejudice.

What I do recognise is that our mental health can be treated effecively by medicine - short term, but must be augmented by therapy and understanding. Depression is an illness just as our cancers and needs to be treated but above all understood by those with whom we come into contact.

My wife's depressions are cyclical in nature but we have been married over 34 years and I can both recognise and handle the events now. What I did wrong in the early years was to try to "buck her up" today I allow the periods to pass (for I know they will - half the battle) and try to avoid making her feel worse by being critical or intolerant. In the last couple of decades she has not required medication which is a huge boost as although it helps (primarily me because the symptoms are better controlled) it does tend to extend the period of the illness for coming off medication can be very difficult and bring its own problems.

Be careful then medication is useful: necessary in extreme circumstances, but being here with us understanding as you do so well what others feel and experience is very good therapy.

At least you recognise what is wrong and possibly the causes triggering the problems which many who suffer mental health problems cannot see due to the very nature of their illness.

Speaking about it is theraputic, my wife could spend weeks in her mind and off this planet in the worst days, it was heartbreaking to witness, hence my endeavours to "buck her up", a big mistake initiated niavely and in ignorance.

Take care Dave, you will get past this in time you have support and understanding from Sue and the crew here, Alan

Alan
Thank you for those words

the hospital as arranged for me to see a specialist i know i need help this time and will accept it
the support from my wife is 24 7 but this is the only thing she can not help me with ,she can support me through any therapy and will do

Kind regards

Dave and Sue

well I read the above and I do get depressed and my GP said to me "do you feel suicidel and I said yes sometimes" she replied "well if it was anyone else I would be worried" so much for my help hehe

Paul

Paul

The Questionair as all kinds of crazy questions i have to fill in before seeing them

Have an appointment for 5th june
Dave and Sue

Hi

The depression as lifted a little ,still going to talk to a specialist about it

Getting there
THanks for all the support
Dave and Sue

Hi all
Saw the pycoligist ? today

first thing she said there is up to 3 Months waiting list to be reffered

said she would do an assessment

after the assesment i am seeing her next week

i feel alough im weak when i should be strong for my wife and family
as last time i handled it

this time not so well

emotions all over the place eratic thoughts
i keep thinking my wife must get sick of me,but i know she does not and is my rock

let you know how it goes

Dave and Sue

Hi,

I have already found reading some of the posts above really useful - particularly Alan's but I just wondered whether anyone else has encountered depression some time after the end of treatment.

My partner who finished treatment 5 months ago has suffered from mild and very occasional bouts of depression throughout his life but he has had 2 big downers in the last 2 months. He seemed to snap out of the last one very suddenly when we went on holiday, but the current one seems very deep. I expected him to get depressed much earlier on and while he was often sad after diagnosis, I wouldn't classify it as depressed. He was still very loving and communicative.

At the moment he won't really talk to me and in fact everything I say - particularly if its related to caring about his health seems to aggrevate him intensely. I am unusually sensitive and have got paranoid that our relationship is falling apart and just cant stop crying which is not helpful and I think I need to seek professional advice. But I don't know what to do about him. Just leave him alone and hope it passes as Alan suggested or see if he can get some help, a suggestion which would probably get a really angry response.

Of course my real worry is that his depression has been stimulated by a symptom or fear of cancer return, but there is nothing I can do to find out about it.

I just wondered whether any posters carers or patients have experienced depression quite a while after treatment, how they felt and whether they have any advice for a lover or carer.

Thanks for listening

Cathy

Hi
do you really think you are depressed or are you hurt and angry by the way he is behaving?.I was.I howled buckets .Here was this bloody man who i loved and i was attached at the hip too 24/7 who i did everything for,who i took to every treatment,ordered his feeds,his medication,cleaned and tended his burns and his thrush and his whole life for gods sake,and he hated me!!!!!

Thats what i thought and thats what i felt,and when he started to get better i left him on his own for two weeks.
Of course it was all rubbish.Hew didn't hate me,he didn't (or maybe he did)resent me for taking charge he was angry and frightened and most of all frustrated and he lashed out like a petulant child.Who did he have to be angry with?...only me at home.Who did he have to shout at?...only me at home who comforted him when he was so frightened...only me at home.
Who comforted me?????
My cyber friends thank god.How do i know all this is true?

Easy.When he was in the hospice dying,he said he was sorry,he said thank you,he said i love you he said he needed me.

Nothing More to say really

here is a post of mine from march 2007 just to give you a flavour of what things were like.

Posted 21 March 2007 02:01 PM Hide Post
Today was to have been so special .Instead i am at home on my own ,and he is in hospital waiting to for his peg fitting.The last few days have been a mixture of heaven and hell.The patches have cured his mouth pain enough for him to be able to drink good amounts of water which in turn thinned down the mucous and made his choking better but then he thought he could try to eat anything he wanted ,and got so angry and frustrated because no matter what he tried ,it hurt or burnt his mouth.Then to top it all he decided he was going back to work yesterday.This resulted in a huge confrontation between us and although he backed down ,he is now a simmering cauldron of resentment towards me.We went for his rad treatment yesterday only to be met by the dietician who promptly had him admitted to hospital.Driving home last night in the snow!!! was a mixture of worry and relief and this morning he still wont speak to me on the phone .My shoulders are broad but my back is bowing under this pressure and i feel like he blames me because i persuaded him to want to live.
Posts: 520 | Location: Harewood West Yorkshire | Registered: 19 February 2007

Thanks Liz,

Thanks for sharing that. I think the situation is similar in many ways except Chaz is not nearly as physically ill as Robin was. I have read many of your past posts and yours and Robin's tragic story has touched my heart on many occasions. You really went through an awful time and the strength with which you have coped with/dealt with all of the ups and downs are very inspiring. I know you miss him desperately and its wonderful that you still check in here and provide support. It can't be easy.

You are right I am not depressed. I have had stints of depression in the past and they have very identifiable symptoms which I am not experiencing. At the moment I am very sad, angry and hurt and was just feeling desperately lonely as we have becom quite an insular couple and I probably dont see enough of my other friends. Thankfully that is all being remedied and I have had some wonderful friends who have mailed me and I am off to have a girlie weekend while Chaz goes off and sees his son. Today I am going to go for a walk in the sun and eat a picnic.

As he won't listen to me and is relatively well physically at the moment, I am going to try Alan and your advice and leave him to his own devices for a while. He is going to have to start to help himself. Getting out of the house and getting a bit of exercise wouldn't be a bad start. His brother is a schizophrenic who is currently doing brilliantly on a new drug regime so he is no stranger to mental health issues and does know that there is a lot of help available for those brave enough to admit they have a problem.

Thanks again for taking the time to respond.

Cathy

mm I get very depressed sometimes and have to try and snapout of it as im alone and have to do everything myself like shopping and work so it does help me cope, But yes depression is a very bad thing.

Paul