it's been a while since i posted but i wanted to wait to be sure the good news was true...
i am extremely lucky and happy to say that it turns out the lump was a mysterious infection. after all the scary dire predictions and the crazy unknown phase where they couldn't test me something happened. the lump continued to grow and a white patch hit the surface so finally the last ent had something he could biopsy. he put me on some strong antibiotics and i am so thankful and glad to report that that did the trick and it's shrank to almost nothing. it's still there but very small and i will monitor it to see if it grows again. luckily something of the lump infection hit the surface of my tongue or else they were talking that the only other way was to cut in there which would seriously compromise so many functions of my mouth.
anyone out there reading this: please urge your doctor to consider that the lump could be an infection and to try antibiotics. it's crazy that three serious and long time doctors were completely at a loss to guess what the lump was. thank goodness it all turned out this way. i'm grateful and feel lucky and i hope this will help others who may get the same run around and be able to help their doctors find the solution.
thanks so much for your supportive replies to my e-mail. it was kind and thoughtful of you to write. i felt encouraged and appreciative of this forum where i could express my concerns.
thanks and love